is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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