Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
