I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
