Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
