Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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