I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish you could order shots online.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Randomize
