in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
