Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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