i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
