As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
