I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we made out on top of his cat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
