my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
