You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
