At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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