I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
