We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
