until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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