why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
