ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
