Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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