saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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