I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
