a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
