Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have already put on my inside pants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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