Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
