Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
