So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
