Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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