hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
