what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
