we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
