I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't put those talents on a resume
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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