I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize