Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
