He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
