Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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