hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
