I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
