I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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