sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
