we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
