I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
