i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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