Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
