Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
