His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
