Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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