we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found your dick twin last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
