u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i believe in u and ur pee
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
