Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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