so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
