Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
