She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
