i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
