I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
love makes seman taste better
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize