I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize