And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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