Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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