My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
