Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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