I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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