We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
