really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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