Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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