all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
