dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
