In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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