guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize