please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
