so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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