watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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