there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
