STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
why is half of my head shaved?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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