the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
