i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
