and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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